Opinions are like belly buttons—everybody’s got one. But some are more unique than others.
While it’s never a good idea to take online reviews very seriously, gay and bi men have a knack for cutting to the chase and just stating their most unexpected disappointments and delights out loud. We looked up some reviews of hotels, bars, saunas and even queer villages. We found a few that left us laughing… or scratching our heads. Some reviews read like works of theatre where we missed the beginning and left before the end. Bravo.
A gay club bar in Amsterdam, Netherlands, reviewed on TripAdvisor: “Still pink everywhere…. although last time a cat had made itself at home sitting on the bar or a bar stool the whole time we were there…. I wonder whatever happened to it…. well worth a visit.”
A gay-oriented hotel in the trendy Schöneberg neighbourhood of Berlin, Germany, reviewed on TripAdvisor: “The walls are very dark and covered with mirrors. Take care as you may take the incorrect turn and walk directly into a mirror.”
A gay-male-oriented resort and spa located in Siem Reap, Cambodia, reviewed on TripAdvisor: “I had invited a friend to attend the spa and have dinner with me, and upon his arrival, he was asked for an ID. None of the other customers were asked for ID. They made a big deal of me taking him to my room, which I had not intended to do. My friend left and that’s when the drama started. I left a less than complimentary review, and their response was beyond belief. It was an almost hysterical rant about my mental health. They even took the time to google me, I guess, and then listed members of my family that they threatened to contact to tell them of my bizarre behavior at a gay resort, which other than a look of disappointment, was my only reaction to them.”
The Castro neighbourhood in San Francisco, California, reviewed on TripAdvisor: “Some old men seem to like to walk up and down the street naked. I don’t know why but they do. We saw several older men doing this and they kept walking up and down the street. However, we found a great coffee shop to sit outside and people watch.”
A gay cruising bar in Fortaleza, Brazil, reviewed on TripAdvisor: “Boys walk around with their swimming trunks—so easy to identify. Boys are hot and even some of the ‘clientele’ is hot. Had difficult time to choose between boys and clients, will recommend any day and would visit again when i’m in Brazil. Well done to the owners, it’s obvious that they have class and style. No signage outside—looks like entrance to parking garage.”
A men-only clothing-optional resort in Palm Springs, California, reviewed on TripAdvisor: “Because it’s a nicer resort, the guys with the hot bodies don’t stay here unless it’s paid for by someone else. I got weary of seeing so many people who don’t take care of themselves physically parading around, but that’s not the fault of the resort, so I’ll move on and report that it’s a very pretty setting, with details such as potted flowers, friendly cleaning staff, a tasteful self-serve breakfast on the patio, and a self-serve cocktail hour, perfect for a drunk.”
The Gay Village in Montreal. Reviewed on TripAdvisor: “I decided to check out [a] sauna. What a disappointment. The attendant at the entry counter said for security reasons I had to take off my woolen hat to see if I was hiding a weapon inside. This is not professional conduct! I asked if the steam room was working, and got a lot of attitude instead being polite and helpful.”
A gay bar in Paphos, Cyprus, reviewed on TripAdvisor: “The owner is as mad as a hatter and treats one very well, however this bar should be packed as the service is second to none.”
A sauna in Brussels, Belgium, reviewed on TripAdvisor: “Once I came in with my bag and I had a bottle of vodka. They asked to check my bag. They took it and they put it next to main entrance which was visible by everybody. Despite the fact that I explained to them that I was not planning to open it they took it. They reassured me that it would not get lost. Ten minutes afterwards the bottle had disappeared. Surprise???”
