The number of gay bathhouses (called gay saunas in many countries, especially Europe and Latin America) around the world has been shrinking since their heyday in the 1970s, when the United States alone had more than 200 of them.
Usually equipped with private rooms, showers, steam rooms and hot tubs, bathhouses can be super convenient sexual playgrounds that allow you to socialize, have fun, clean up, have more fun and chill. Many of them are open 24/7, even on holidays, and they cater to any man wanting to have sex with other men, not usually targeting any particular demographic or vibe. Neutral, safe, chill. The fast food franchise of getting laid.
But while bathhouse culture has declined, another type of business has been on the rise. In many jurisdictions—usually ones where the laws around commercial sexual spaces are more relaxed—there has been a boom in sex clubs. Sometimes they’re called cruising clubs, though it’s a blurred line—we’ll get to that later.
As a rule, sex clubs are a more unpredictable experience than bathhouses. A particular sex club may only be in operation for a few hours a day or on certain days of the week. They probably don’t have showers or other spa-like amenities—a toilet and sink might be all that you’re going to get. Any given club might be driven by themed parties (jockstraps, bears, younger guys, leather). They might have DJs and drink specials, with various types of rooms equipped with slings and well-designed play areas. On the other side of the equation, they might also be small, no-frills dark rooms where you’re lucky if there’s a bench to sit on.
Of course, there is one club that sets a very high bar. Berlin’s Lab.oratory (Am Wriezener Bahnhof, Berlin), located in the basement of what is probably the world’s most famous nightclub, Berghain, is so big and busy, with a capacity of more than 400, it’s become a tourist destination in its own right. And they have showers. Gay men from around the world who couldn’t care less about Checkpoint Charlie and the Brandenburg Gate will jet into the German capital for a weekend, spending more time at that Am Wriezener Bahnhof address than anywhere else.
While some sex clubs are actively trans-inclusive, most are active participants in a culture driven by masculine appearances; transmasc guys should mostly expect a don’t-ask-don’t-tell approach.
When going to a particular sex club for the first time, it’s best to be ready for anything. But here are a few tips that will help you fit in.
1. Pay attention to the theme and the hours
Lab.oratory, for example, has some very specific themed nights, including watersports, fisting and rubber. If you have limits, you might want to consider them before showing up without having looked at the schedule. Angel’s Naked Party (hosted in a private apartment whose address is provided when membership is granted online) in Bogotá, Colombia, sometimes has multiple themes on the same day (a naked yoga session, followed by a cannabis-friendly party, followed by bareback free-for-all, for example) so pay attention to the times. More common themes are underwear nights and naked nights, the latter of which is often strictly enforced.
2. Be prepared for the venue to be in an offbeat place. And not so polished
Though there are some well-run purpose-built sex clubs, like Eros in San Francisco (132 Turk St., San Francisco), many are more makeshift—private homes, apartments or even garages renovated to accommodate adults-only fun. Keep your expectations in check. Yes, you may have to squeeze into a tiny entryway and give your admission fee to a naked person sitting on a stool. Yes, there may be exposed heating ducts. Carpe diem.
3. You’ll likely be checking your clothes
While some clubs welcome streetwear, many will let you—or require you to—strip down. There are logistics to think about. If the club allows you to pay for all your drinks and snacks upon your departure, you won’t have to worry about carrying cash or cards around the glory hole maze. If they have a pay-as-you-go policy, consider bringing a fanny pack or wearing long socks where you can stuff your method of payment. I’ve seen guys carry around shoulder bags with money, poppers and other goodies. But then, some venues won’t let you bring in bags. If you arrive only to find out it’s naked night and you’re feeling shy, you might need to get creative—I’ve seen guys carrying around two pieces of paper towel, one each held over front and rear (though that certainly makes it hard to carry a drink or shake hands with a new friend).
4. Be prepared to buy a membership
A sex club is exactly the kind of place where you want to be completely anonymous. But in some jurisdictions, in order for management to allow or turn a blind eye to intimate activity on the premises, they need to designate their business as a private members’ club. Sometimes it’s just scratching an ersatz signature and paying a few bucks. In Italy, many sex-positive gay-oriented businesses participate in a multi-venue membership system, ARCO, where you buy an annual membership that can be used at venues across the country. For short-term visitors, this may feel like an unnecessary expense and hassle, but long-term visitors will likely save money if they’re visiting clubs all along their itinerary.
5. How much of an exhibitionist are you?
Guys who frequent sex clubs often like them because they enjoy having sex in front of others—the lack of private rooms common to bathhouses is, for them, a feature, not a bug. Lighting, not doors, can provide some privacy. Mexico City’s SO.DO.ME (Mariano Escobedo 716, Col. Anzures Del. Miguel Hidalgo, Ciudad de México) has a variety of lighting that goes from pub-like to pitch black. If you don’t want others to see you in action, you’re probably not going to see yourself or your partner(s) in action.
6. Drugs are often a part of gay life
Some guys do drugs when they are having sex. Even if you don’t—and there are, in fact, lots of guys who have crazy hot sex while sober—nobody wants your judgment. It’s okay to opt out of party-and-play, but you shouldn’t make a scene of it. If you are using, be respectful of those who aren’t, and be discreet—it can be triggering for someone in recovery to see someone use. Businesses can be shut down for allowing drug use, so don’t let your recklessness ruin everyone’s fun.
7. Consent is essential, but often non-verbal
Many sex-club patrons will take a person’s very presence in the space as consent. They are mistaken. Even in dark rooms, there are certain kinds of touches that are wanted, others unwanted. Nobody wants to be the one to pipe up with, “Get your hand off my butt.” Ways to invite contact: sustained eye contact, come-hither facial expressions and mutual following (you following someone for a bit, then him following you for a bit; if just one person is doing all the following, it quickly becomes stalking). In the dark, when someone pulls away or uses their hand to reject a move, it needs to be respected. And not just for five minutes—it needs to be over unless you’re invited back.
8. No matter how nasty the sex, be a gentleman
Be polite when rejecting or getting rejected by potential playmates. When someone rejects you, don’t take it personally—who knows what turns other people on? If you make a mess that could cause injury (a slippery floor, a broken bottle), notify management immediately. Telling others that you’re on PrEP or sharing your HIV status is fine, but in these ask-no-questions environments, guys have the right to wonder if it’s true or not. Know the risks of having unprotected sex (PrEP doesn’t prevent sexually transmitted infections other than HIV) and be responsible for yourself. It’s okay to insist on condoms, and it’s not cool for others to not take your preferences seriously.
9. Is sex actually permitted here?
Those who have been to continental Europe know that there are many clubs, usually referred to as cruising clubs, that allow sex on the premises, often for the cost of a drink. But some bars, in the U.K., for example, might have cruising areas that have a sleazy, inviting look but where full-on sexual activity is not permitted. Don’t assume it’s always okay to act on your urges. Take your cues from other patrons and how the space is being marketed. Some places might welcome action right at the front bar, while others expect you to stay in the glory-hole area in the back. In other cases, you’re there to meet someone to take elsewhere.
10. Enjoy yourself
Sometimes you’re going to have amazing encounters, and sometimes you just put in your steps and have a few drinks. It’s all good. Have fun. But remember: sustained laughter is bound to get shushed.
