The Reddit community AskGaybrosOver30 is an adorably helpful one, with redditors responding to queries about everything gay from self esteem, relationship challenges and eating ass.
One of the most commented-upon posts recently was about hooking up while travelling—or to be more precise, the idea of not hooking up while travelling.
“I’m not the hookup guy at all,” wrote qwerzyo, a redditor who gives his age as between 30 and 34. “But that seems to be the norm for gay single travellers? My friends always judge me when I tell them I did not hook up in the place I visited. When I’m travelling alone, I would like to meet new people for a beer and chat, and if the vibe is right, I would have sex, of course. But rarely do I find someone who wants to do that. Am I doing this gay solo travel thing wrong? Should I just ‘force’ myself to do a hookup even if I don’t want to?”
The community had lots of thoughts for qwertzyo. We sorted through them for what we think is the most interesting advice—if not necessarily the best.
- “I’ve hooked up in my travels, but it never is a fuck-and-go episode. I usually meet, chat a little bit, grab a drink, ask for suggestions of cool things to do around town, and then, if the mood is right, fuck.”
- “Your friends suck. If they feel so strongly perhaps they should join you and fuck them instead of you. Bottom line: you have the tools to be happy on your travels. Tell your ‘friends’ to fuck off and go out by yourself and just meet people (this is a good skill to have regardless of travelling being in your own company and enjoying it).”
- “Try meeting somebody on your terms on the next trip. I’ve made friends that lasted years (and met up with on subsequent trips!), and I’ve had some forgettable/unsavoury experiences too.”
- “Hooking up is fun! It’s a great ice breaker. It’s THE ice breaker for most gay men.”
- “Go to a random local bar wherever you’re travelling. You’re a stranger there, and new meat. Boom, you met someone new. They don’t need to know that you’re not planning on sleeping with them at the end of the night unless they come right out and ask you.”
- “I generally get no traction in the gay community since I am not a looker. Very rarely is someone even remotely open-minded to meet me platonically. Also gays generally don’t think platonically about other gays … and will only become friends with other gays if they’re physically attractive.”
- “Don’t force yourself to hook up if you do not want it. Haha, it’s like ‘should I sleep with a man to get a job?’”
- “The whole beauty of solo travel is that you get to do whatever you want, and you can skip anything you don’t want to do.”
- “What you want is literally a hookup. Pump-n-dump is just one kind of hookup. I cuddled and watched two movies with my last hookup. They don’t have to leave after. You can spend the weekend together, etc. It’s perfectly okay.”
- “Don’t just anonymously meet up to fuck for 15 minutes and then go your separate ways. Don’t have hookups … have one-night stands.”
- “It’s so sad that we feel ashamed that we have a less-than-ideal or ‘gay norm’ sex drive. It’s okay not to be a human sex machine. That’s very normal too. For so long, the painted picture of the gay community was ‘orgy city.’”
- “If you want to walk away or come home with tons of sex stories, then of course you’re screwing up. But if you wanted to just meet guys and have a nice time touristing, then aren’t you already doing it perfectly?”
- “I like bathhouses from around the world. You probably would not agree with me having sex with strangers and never making any emotional connections, based on your post. But that’s how I like it and that’s how I gay-travel.”
- “I think you might be disappointed if you’re hoping to strike up completely organic meet-cutes. It’s a delightful fantasy, but the modern world is so deliberately disconnected that you’re making things more difficult for yourself by hoping it’ll all happen on its own.”
- “Go to a gay resort. You’ll meet guys to be friends. Hang out with them.”
- “Why don’t you settle for a bit, find a partner and then fuck them all over the world?”
- “If you’re using apps you’ve gotta see how you’re presenting yourself. Is your profile photo a semi-nude? That doesn’t attract ‘beer and chat.’”
- “If you’re single and gay and travelling, you should absolutely try to make it a goal to hook up with at least one local per country/state. It will make the trip memorable. You might actually be surprised and find that you like it this way. Everyone else here is trying to just be affirming hugboxing, but the simple truth is that, yes, you’ll have more fun if you find a local gay connection.”
- “From random group sex in Vegas to cruising late night in Mexico, some of my random encounters lead to friendships or acquaintances that would be happy to hangout and show you around when you visit them. It’s not that sex leads to friendship, but it creates an opportunity to take things further.”
- “I’m more into ruins and cathedrals and stuff myself.”
The responses have been edited for length and clarity. You can read the full thread here.
