Gay men sometimes reach a point in their lives where a journey inward can seem as exciting as a journey to the next big party. It can be an enriching and exciting experience—but that doesn’t mean that a quest for self-discovery can’t take you to beautiful places around the globe.
When Rainbow Men founders got together in 2018 to host daily and weekly events focused on spirituality for gay men in Tel Aviv, they realized they were onto something.
“I discovered queer spirituality about 10 years ago,” says Ofer who got involved with LGBTQ+ organizing in his 20s and has been a member of the Radical Faeries for many years. “We saw that there was a big need for that in our community, so we took our expertise and tried to make queer spirituality more accessible to people who really wanted to explore the experience of being queer men in this world.”
The collective is composed of Ofer (writer, storyteller and guide), Roy (philosopher, researcher and yoga instructor) and Tamir (dancer, performance artist and yoga instructor). Each has a different skill set and approach to spirituality, hosting and making participants feel comfortable to open up and be vulnerable. After the success of local events, the trio started offering week-long retreats where their empowering programs could unfold in places of natural beauty like Spain, Portugal, Greece and Peru. The next two retreats are in the Amara Valley in Spain, about an hour and a half north of Barcelona, from May 27 to June 2; and then in southwest Portugal, about a two-and-a-half-hour drive south of Lisbon, from August 26 to 31.
“It’s important for us to be in a place that is surrounded by and very connected to nature,” says Ofer. “Most of the people at our retreats are gay men who are coming from cities. Many queers were forced to go to larger cities to find our communities—we left our towns because we were outcasts. So it’s like going back in time to find our place in nature, to find our way back to those small places. It’s not necessarily about the country we’re hosting in. So long as it’s sunny and we’re around trees and nature, that’s what’s important.”
Although the mix of workshops varies with each retreat, they all include opportunities to share stories, experiences and feelings, to do yoga and other body work, to meet people, and to connect with nature. The Peru retreat, in particular, has a focus on plant medicine and includes sessions with Indigenous shamans. Though Rainbow Men does get repeat participants, they usually try a different theme or location for their second and subsequent retreats.
“For the retreats, you can expect to be surrounded by other men who’ve come to experience the joy of being together with an open-hearted community,” says Ofer. “You will experience a lot of laughter, a lot of deep conversation, a lot of sharing. You will experience ceremonies, being vulnerable. You will experience a lot of touch. And being naked and dealing with sexuality in a non-sexual environment.”
Non-sexual sexuality?
“Being surrounded by gay men in a gay men–only environment triggers a lot of things for many of us, especially when we are naked in a space together. When we’re looking at each other and touching each other, it can send us to places we’re used to from our everyday gay life, like saunas, cruising areas, whatever. But what we’re trying to explore is what it means to enjoy intimacy and joy, touch and joy, in each other’s presence and without it becoming something sexual,” says Ofer. “My learning that touching another man doesn’t need to mean that I want to have sex with him was really enlightening. There’s the possibility of intimacy with other men without the fear or expectation of that automatically leading to sex, or the pressure of that leads to sex.”
Participants usually range in age from their 30s to their 70s and have come from Europe, North America, Australia and even Asia; queer trans men are also welcome. But demographics are beside the point. “We are trying to create a space that allows people to be themselves, to break away from all the labels that we give ourselves. ‘I am a gay man. I have to be this, I have to be that. I am beautiful. I am not beautiful.’ At the beginning of the retreat, we ask people to put all their labels in a bucket and to see who they are without them.”
There are often lots of tears among the smiles and new friends. “It’s a little bit like a roller coaster. Some moments can be really intense and some moments can be very liberating. Many, many people are dealing with issues they’ve never dealt with before. It really depends on the person and what you bring with you.”
After this summer’s retreats in Spain and Portugal, there’s a 14-day Peru trip from September 3 to 16, which includes a four-day trek to Machu Picchu, as well as spiritual shamanic San Pedro and Ayahuasca ceremonies. In November 2024, they’re going to be launching a new program, Rainbow Healer, focused on the healing powers that come from within queer life experience. The first Rainbow Healer will take place in Spain, followed in February 2025 by a retreat in Mexico. In May 2025, the team will launch the Rainbow Sex program, taking place somewhere in Europe, which will explore gay sexuality and queer sexual spirituality.
