While the idea of taking a trip solo can sound exhilarating, the reality of trekking to a foreign destination alone, especially as a queer cis or trans woman, can be understandably daunting.
We’ve all heard the stories, often from our concerned mothers or worrisome grandparents. Travelling alone as a woman, especially lesbian solo travel, poses all kinds of threats and can be downright difficult. But more and more we hear first-hand stories, and see Reels, of solo women travellers of all backgrounds striking out on their own and never looking back. Social media has been especially helpful in providing inspirational accounts, motivational hacks, tips and tricks for anyone and everyone who musters the courage to use them IRL.
Solo travel is quickly becoming more common among not only backpackers and expert explorers but also with ordinary queers. It can actually be a richer experience. “When you’re travelling with someone, you’re less likely to branch out and meet locals and other travellers, because you have your safety person,” says Allyssa Leaton, creator of @thelesbianpassport. “So when I’m travelling alone, especially as the introvert that I am, I’m pushed to go outside of my comfort zone, meet more people and do more things than I would if I were travelling with a partner or a best friend.”
So here are some tips and tools to help you prepare for your solo adventures as a queer woman.
Choose a welcoming destination for you personally
Choosing the right destination should be an easy decision if you pick a place with a good reputation. Duh, right? Wrong. I travelled to Puerto Vallarta, often lauded as one of the world’s most LGBTQ+-friendly destinations, under the assumption that “LGBTQ+-friendly” automatically meant it would be easy to find lesbians. I was surprised when every beach party I stumbled into was flooded with nearly naked gay men. Nothing against the gays, of course, but it wasn’t exactly what I had been envisioning as a single lesbian travelling solo.
Still, doing your research on whether or not a location is LGBTQ+-friendly is still a great place to start. Look at the local laws for the destinations you’re interested in and make sure you consider your own interests. City destinations, rather than resort destinations, might have more locals for you to meet, so even if the visitors are overwhelmingly male, you’ll still be able to encounter local women. Amsterdam, for example, is a famously queer-friendly city with a variety of types of travellers. Certain resort destinations, like Ibiza, are known for attracting more women, especially if you plan your trip around women-focused events like Velvet Ibiza. I asked Allyssa Leaton about what she’s looking for. “Now that I’ve been doing this for a few years and have really grown into my queerness and my pride, having a queer-friendly destination really is kind of a priority.” Ultimately, some gays are better than no gays at all.
Finding a safe place to stay
An increasing number of hotels, particularly global chains, are signalling—in their advertising and on their websites—that they welcome LGBTQ+ guests. Picking accommodations that wear their queer-friendliness on their sleeve helps avoid the awkwardness around sleeping arrangements and bringing back guests, if it comes to that. Hostels offer less privacy but can be more fun and friendly, drawing a younger, budget-conscious crowd seeking a sociable atmosphere. Many hostels are also advertising themselves as being queer-friendly these days. But often it’s the “crowd” rather than the management that takes notice of your sexuality and solo status. And young hostellers are often pretty cool with it. I’ve stayed in hostels in Europe that have such an awesome aesthetic and vibe, with live music and game tables, that I didn’t want to hang out anywhere else. There’s no figuring out how to get home safely, and you’re spending time with the people you might be sharing space with.
Finding queer-focused activities and spaces
A quick Google search for “queer parties near me” or “lesbian bars in my area” never hurts. But when you’re in a new place, perhaps a place that doesn’t have so many queer nightlife venues, a wider search, conducted on different platforms, might help solo women make queer connections. Social media posts, for example, often have geotags, so you can see where other queers have been, and what kind of people visit certain venues. Look up a gay club on Instagram: How many women are in the photos? How many women tagged that venue, where else do these women go, and most importantly, do you want to hang out with them?
Contrary to popular lesbian belief, dating apps don’t have to be reserved for cementing a long-term relationship or snagging your next U-Haul partner. Try updating your profiles during your travels and meet someone new to create spontaneous memories with. Go on a casual date with a local and get recommendations for low-key WLW parties or spots that may not be posted online. While in Paris pre-pandemic, I found Tinder to be a casual and widely used there. It proved to be super easy to match with French sapphics that were more than happy to chat and even meet up with me, to show me around. One match introduced me to the city’s lesbian scene (per my enthusiastic request) and took me to some of the most dyke-filled bars I’d ever been to, like La Mutinerie (176-178 Rue Saint-Martin, Paris), a queer feminist bar that’s been around since 2012.
Leaton suggests event boards and cultural centres as great resources for staying updated on what’s going on in the area you’re visiting. The app/website Everywhere Is Queer maps out queer-owned businesses, contractors, bookshops and tattoo shops. “Now that I’m finally out, open and proud, I don’t want to restrict that by going places where my identity and sexuality aren’t super accepted,” says Leaton.
For activities and spaces that aren’t centred on drinking and nightlife, look into dance or cooking classes, spoken-word performances or other cultural events, where it can be easy to meet new people.
