When we’re away from home, it’s tempting to try new things. Going to a gay bathhouse (or a gay sauna, as they call them in Europe or Latin America) in a different city seems particularly appealing because we won’t run into friends, colleagues or other people we wouldn’t want to see us cruising. It can be a quick way, other than bars and apps, to meet local gay and bi guys.
But then again: How do you find (or pick) a gay bathhouse in a strange city and, once there, navigate all the rules and social rituals?
Though each gay bathhouse has its own way of doing business, certain elements are often standardized. You pay an admission price, which gets you a locker or a room where you can store your clothes after stripping down to a towel or less. A room can come in handy because it’s a space of your own where you can invite other guys and close the door. There is usually a dry and a wet sauna, a hot tub and dark places, sometimes cabins, where patrons can get intimate with one another. Sometimes there is a bar and other amenities. Though some cultures are chatty (think Latin America and South Africa), mostly the communication is nonverbal—don’t worry about not speaking the local language.
In the last year, Berlin-based bathhouse enthusiast insideRob has been making YouTube videos reviewing bathhouses he’s visited and recapping some of his sexual adventures. We asked him for some of his gay sauna advice.
When did you start going to saunas?
The first time was just one year ago. I was in Cologne during Pride, and I said to myself, “You are not at home, you are far away from home and you can try this.” And I really enjoyed it. Then I went to Hamburg Pride—also not my city—and visited a sauna there. I liked it. Then everybody says that the sauna in Berlin is the best in Germany, so I had to try it. I started my YouTube channel at the beginning of this year, and I made one video about going to a sauna. It was so successful that I thought I would do more. People are very, very, very curious about it.
You’re not a young twink. Why didn’t you go to a sauna before the last year?
Like other people, I was a bit afraid to go there when I was younger. I’m 40 now, but when I was 20, 25, I thought that saunas were only for old men. But now I realize that, at the saunas I’ve visited, it’s a completely mixed crowd. Older guys, but younger guys, too. Also, I was in a relationship for eight years, and that ended two years ago. I was always curious about sex-positive spaces, but my ex was not. As well, I was not secure about my body and how to be completely naked there, how to act, how to communicate with people. On apps, you can see if someone is a top or a bottom. It’s something I want to know beforehand. Obviously you don’t need pictures in a sauna, but I want to get a vibe if the person is a top or bottom.
And how do you figure that out in a sauna?
My strategy is easy. When I meet a guy, I have two questions. The first is, “German or English?” Then, in that language, “Top or bottom?” That’s how I do it. It can be difficult to read people. People read me as a top, but most of the time I’m not.
How do you find saunas in the city you’re visiting and, if there’s more than one, decide which one you want to try?
I just type “gay sauna” and the city name into Google Maps. But you can’t trust the Google reviews. Some guys have expectations that are way too high, and then there are the homophobic comments. I will see feedback like, “Oh, that’s such a dirty place,” and I’ve been to that place and I think it’s so clean, cleaner than my straight gym. Then when they only have good reviews, I wonder if they are deleting the bad ones.
The best thing would be to try all of them. I do try to find them close to whatever hotel I’m staying at.
What are the amenities that you’re looking for?
Normally they have a sauna, steam room, slings and a dark room. I like it when they have hygiene centres where you can get clean before you have fun. In Europe, they usually have a bar—they can be at the same level as a restaurant or bistro, with food. But in the U.S. I’m told that most places just have vending machines for drinks and snacks. I will usually buy a soft drink or water or something, just to spend some money, because it’s a community place and I want to support it.
As a visitor to a city, what are some of the advantages of going to a sauna?
If you are open-minded and speak to people, you can meet people. Usually in German saunas, people are quiet, but if you start a conversation, you might find a connection. I’ve met several people that way. Also it’s nice to have a sauna after a long day of walking around, doing a sightseeing tour. And just for sex, it’s very easy. You don’t have to invite someone to your hotel room or go to someone’s place. It’s a clean, safe place.
What was your best sauna experience?
During Berlin Pride, I wanted to go to the famous Boiler Sauna Berlin (Mehringdamm 34, Berlin) to experience it during Pride. When I got there, there was a line, which was too long. I knew I would have to wait and, indeed, I waited for three and a half hours to get in. The guy behind me in line recognized me from my YouTube videos and we started talking. He was from Toulouse, France, so he was telling me about the other places he had visited in Berlin. We talked for the three and a half hours we were in line—being very, very open, I told him things I would not tell most people I meet—and inside we had a lot of fun together.
What advice would you give people who are curious about visiting saunas abroad?
Don’t be shy, just do it. There’s nothing to lose. When I went the first time, I told the staff it was my first time and they showed me around and told me how things work—for example, how they charge for food and drinks. Of course, you can watch my YouTube videos, because I give a lot of advice there. People will often ask me, how is it for a chubby man? How is it for an Asian man? How is it for a Black person? Of course, I cannot speak for them, but when I look around, I see that for every kind of guy, there’s a matching guy. I’ve seen guys who, to me, were hot going into cabins with guys that, also to me, were not. If the sauna is busy, you can always find a match.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
