One morning my Lisbon roommate found me sleeping on the living room couch, awkwardly positioned face down, legs over the armrest and hands tucked under my body. He was confused. I told him I wanted to make sure the room was comfortable for the couchsurfer we were expecting. The guest was a fellow Canadian who was visiting to connect with a local they’d met travelling years prior. My roommate laughed, telling me I was overthinking the situation. He said that couchsurfers don’t expect much, they’re just grateful for the free stay. As he left the room, he yelled, “The couch is a pullout, by the way!”
He was right… on all accounts.
Couchsurfing is one of the most affordable accommodation options for travellers. Guests sleep on a couch, a mattress on the floor or a bed in a spare room for free for a few nights. But the real value can be tapping into a host’s knowledge, allowing a visitor to experience a city like a resident. For LGBTQ+ couchsurfers, hosts create safe spaces where their guests can be their authentic selves—and so can the hosts.
The couchsurfing community finds each other through various platforms. Sometimes by word of mouth, but usually through groups and websites like Queer Couchsurfers on Facebook, Couchsurfing.com or the platform Quouch, made specifically for queer travellers.
Many hosts open their homes because they were once couchsurfers themselves and want to give back to the community. But hosting is a bit more complicated than being a guest. A great couchsurfing experience needs some structure to avoid chaos and awkward moments. To navigate the dos and don’ts, here are a few tips to keep in mind, gathered from my own experiences, research and interviews.
“I want more people to experience it because it’s awesome. It could change someone’s life,” says Petit Printemps, who uses Quouch and has hosted for over a decade on other platforms. “I think people are scared about the safety of it, but they don’t understand. There are ways to vet people, so you’re not uncomfortable. It’s supposed to be a joyful thing.”
DO: Have a robust profile
No pic, no bio, no chat. Like a dating profile, hosts who have nothing to show shouldn’t expect interest. A comprehensive profile builds trust and connection, and sets expectations. Most platforms invite users to share photos along with their interests and languages spoken. They’re a place to brag about your neighbourhood, disclose any pets in the home and describe the accommodations, so there are no surprises. It’s also important to have reviews. Past couchsurfers can ask former hosts for references. Absolute newbies should consider adding recommendations they’ve gotten from employers or friends, to showcase their character.
DON’T: Accept just anybody—vet them thoroughly
Profiles are a two-way street. Never accept a blank profile with no reviews. It’s a major red flag. For sparse profiles, err on the side of caution and message the person, asking some questions to fill in the incomplete profile. It’s okay to ask for their social platforms.
Vetting is a matter of safety for most LGBTQ2S+ people. Quouch, for example, requires a referral to be accepted onto its platform. While system safeguards can minimize risk, it’s still important to vet each guest. “People send me requests, but they don’t have any reviews. Because of the queer aspect, though, I tell them, ‘Listen, let’s call each other so I have an idea of who you are,’” says Printemps. She says to follow your gut.
DO: Think about your mental health before accepting a guest
Balancing life and hosting can be mentally draining. Not being in the right headspace can affect everyone involved. Consult your schedule to ensure you’re not taking on too much, and never feel obligated to host a person. Though it doesn’t feel great rejecting someone, help them by redirecting them to a host you trust.
DO: A vibe check with your guest before arrival
Even if a profile is polished and it sounds like you’ll get along, do a vibe check. It’s a non-negotiable step for many experienced hosts. Schedule a virtual chat to get better acquainted with the couchsurfer. Test the chemistry. You already have three commonalities: couchsurfing, travelling and being queer. Ask about their plans and expectations to help you prepare, and give them an MTV Cribs-style tour for a fuller sensory experience.
DON’T: Transform your space into a picture-perfect home
Unlike the memes of bottoms critiquing the bedrooms of tops—you know, mattress on the floor, an unmade bed—most couchsurfers are grateful for any sort of sleeping arrangement that comes with a pillow, sheets and towels. Couchsurfing is about hospitality, not amenities. Guests shouldn’t be expecting a staged home fit for a magazine. They want to live like a local. “You don’t have to offer the perfect place. People just want a place and a local person to stay with,” says Printemps. “You can literally offer the bare minimum.”
Even though you’re not redecorating, you may need to rethink your home’s layout. If the couch is located where you have late-night gaming sessions or early meetings, a little shifting around might be in order. Maybe even some permanent moves if you plan on hosting long term. Of course, cleanliness is expected. So pull out that vacuum, wipe down the vanities and do the dishes before your couchsurfer arrives.
DO: Go about your daily life, especially at home
Beginner hosts often think they need to overhaul their routine, but only minor adjustments are usually needed. Let guests know you’re sticking to your usual routine—tell them when your morning starts and if you need the bathroom at a certain time. “You can just be yourself and let couchsurfers follow your schedule,” says married Lisbon couple Filipe and Garrett. It’s also fine to use your couch to watch TV or YouTube, as long as you remove the sheets and respect when the guest wants to sleep.
If you have a partner who lives with you or visits regularly, be upfront about it beforehand. It’s a courtesy and safety measure, especially for those hosting heterosexuals. Many hosts agree: you shouldn’t hide your affection either. “We’re totally comfortable with cuddling and kissing, and our guests have always been comfortable too, especially couples,” says French host Vinx, who lives with their partner. Vinx adds they don’t have sex with their partner when hosting, but others say it depends on the general layout and if the couchsurfer has a private room. If a guest feels uncomfortable, they’ll likely bring it up. Most couchsurfers only stay a few nights, then hosts can go back to their regularly scheduled PDA sessions.
DO: Establish house rules and boundaries
Free accommodations doesn’t mean an apartment has an “anything goes” policy. Establishing house rules, boundaries and expectations is a must. Make these clear from the onset and post them in your home. Start with the basics: boundaries around private spaces. Rules about having shoes on or off in the house and inviting strangers over. Expectations about respecting neighbours. Logistics like the WiFi password and where household items are. Think of everything you can, especially the things that are personally important to you. If you miss something, don’t fret. Seasoned hosts admit to constantly updating their house rules.
DO: Give insider tips that Google doesn’t know about
Most guests prioritize hosts that offer connection to an area and local knowledge. They want to avoid tourist traps and visit authentic, under-the-radar experiences. Recommendations are also reciprocal—guests may pass along knowledge they’ve gained that the host might find useful.
Filipe and Garrett will suggest walking up the steep stairway outside their apartment to Miradouro da Senhora do Monte for a magical sunset and sweeping views of landmarks like Castelo de São Jorge and the Ponte 25 de Abril. They’ll also spill the tea about the best Chinês Clandestinos: secret off-the-books, underground Chinese restaurants in random apartments. They know the locations and which doors to knock on. They’re also happy to hang out with guests when they can. “We have ‘go-to’ things that we like to do with our visitors,” the couple says. “If we have other plans, like hanging out with our friends, we include them.”
DON’T: Stress about the perfect recommendations
People pleasers be warned. Putting recommendations together can be stressful if you feel the pressure to impress and represent your city. Sometimes your suggestions will check every box. Other times you’ll miss the mark, and that’s okay. Don’t take it personally; everyone has different tastes. The key is providing options for all budget types that encompass relaxation, culture, food and nature.
DO: Have queer tips on hand and be prepared for the sex talk
Queer couchsurfers are interested in understanding LGBTQ2S+ life in your city. “The queer community changes, the queer scene changes. It’s great to hear about it from a host,” Printemps says. Expect to hear questions about queer-friendly establishments or if it’s safe to walk at night in particular attire.
Curiosity for a city often extends to sex culture. Guests might ask about bathhouses, cruising spots, and how to decipher localized slang and emoji usage on dating and hookup apps. A host gets to decide how much to share, whether it’s simply the where and when to go or to elaborate more on their own experiences. But it’s important for a host to read the room to avoid coming off as creepy.
A conversation about sex is not an automatic invitation to hookup. If sparks fly between both parties, lucky you! But the intention of hosting is not to have a convenient hookup—hop on an app for that.
Guest hookups can be complicated to navigate for any orientation. A wrong move could make someone uncomfortable. Vinx says some people “signal” interest through a series of non-verbal cues or use unclear, suggestive language. They recommend against this kind of signalling. “It can lead to really bad situations and misinterpreting gestures.” Because some people need an explicit and direct exchange, that’s the best approach for most guests.
Many hosts outline their views on sex in their profiles and mention it during the vibe check to ensure everyone is on the same page. A general rule of thumb is: don’t expect sex. “If it happens it happens. If it doesn’t, the worst thing is you missed an opportunity,” Vinx says.
DON’T: Force yourself into their trip or a connection
Some couchsurfers plan trips to the minute and will hardly see their host. It’s their travel style and not a reflection of the host and their abilities. A host inserting themselves into a guest’s travel schedule can make things awkward.
Then again, others lean on hosts, wanting to spend time with them. Hosts shouldn’t feel responsible to entertain guests or play tour guide 24/7. Live your life and play things by ear.
Hosts should make themselves available for at least one personal interaction—if only to break the ice and build trust. Get a coffee, do a neighbourhood orientation, go grocery shopping or watch a movie together at home. If you’re heading out, feel free to invite them along. You never know the friendships that can be made.
Couchsurfing should feel like a natural experience and not a chore. “I had some of the best experiences of my life,” Printemps says.
