Wander+Lust met TikToker Chrisinmadrid shortly after he was delighted by his first “gay resort” holiday in Torremolinos, Spain. “I feel like I’m 13 again, on a package holiday with my parents, except I’m not with my parents, I’m with a lot of naked men instead, in a naked pool on the top of a roof terrace,” he told his TikTok followers back in 2024. “People are very, very friendly. They chat to you, it’s not judgmental at all.”
But his follow-up Torremolinos trip in May 2025, to the same clothing-optional gay resort, triggered a very different reaction: “When everyone is a sexual object, and they’re just judged on how they look, how big they are, basically that just comes back to you in the end. I just look at myself like that. It’s all the ranking, it’s all the ladder, and I think it’s deeply unhealthy,” he told his followers last spring.
These more sobering thoughts prompted Chris to come up with his latest venture: No Sex Gay Weekend, curated social gatherings where participants commit to deemphasizing flirting and hooking up. It’s not so much an anti-sex event but an opportunity to set sex aside for a period of time, so more substantial friendships and romances can blossom.
“Without constant sexual objectification, you can find out whether you have an attraction to someone after talking to them, even if you don’t immediately fancy them. Or maybe you wouldn’t normally talk to them because you do fancy them and you think they’re out of your league. I wanted to create a group where everyone just chats to everyone. And from there hopefully guys can make connections,” Chris tells Wander+Lust. In fact, the project acknowledges that forbidden desire can make things hotter later.
All members of the group must abide by the essential rule of No Sex during events. “This includes avoiding overtly flirtatious or sexualized behaviour, and definitely not judging people by looks, whether you fancy them a lot or not at all. We can only create this space together,” states the official code of conduct. “Welcome and consensual physical contact such as friendly hugs are, of course, fine. Members of the group may share rooms to reduce costs but are doubly encouraged to remember the philosophy of the group. Couples can attend but are encouraged to avoid any romantic or sexual behaviours with each other.”
Drugs are a no-no. Moderate drinking is okay. Phones are discouraged, especially the use of hookup apps. Respecting privacy, sensitivity to political and social opinions, and generally being openhearted are higher priorities than at, say, a circuit party.
Chris says group leaders won’t be policing sex. But he expects that the guys who sign up are signing up because they’re excited by the ideas that drive the gathering. “I think it’s about attitude. I would expect people to follow the rules, especially when you’re with the group in a public place. If people are sneaking into each other’s rooms at night—I don’t know. We’re not perfect. What if you can just maybe not have sex for two days? Wow,” says Chris.
Though gay male events can indeed be hypersexual, it’s also true that full-acronym LGBTQ2S+ events, like film festivals, art fairs, fitness groups and sports tournaments are much less about sexual attraction and much more about creating community. So No Sex Gay Weekend is a bit of an experiment to see if that same inclusive energy can be created for just the G in the acronym.
“It’s kind of tricky to make gay friends. The way I’ve done it in Madrid, and the way many guys do it, is through dating, and then when it doesn’t work out, we become friends. So it’s always starting with a sexual lens. Wouldn’t it be nice to become mates first? To see if there might be a great friendship with someone you have wanked off?”
No Sex Gay Weekend has had a modest launch. After a picnic and a dessert crawl, both in Madrid, there was a pilot weekend in Oxford, U.K., in August, where most participants didn’t stay overnight.
The first full-fledged weekend will take place in Valencia, Spain, September 19 to 21. Then there’s one October 4 and 5 in Bath, U.K., with tentative dates set for Seville, Spain, in November, then Cologne, Germany, in December. Though they are all culturally rich destinations, they are not, by design, known as super cruisy places—at least compared to Torremolinos.
Participants are responsible for their own food, drink, travel and accommodation. The ticket, a reasonable 99 euros (US$115) plus 20 euros (US$23) for the optional Friday add-on, is for the activities, tours and events, as well as for the effort needed to bring likeminded people together.
“I’m really trying to not make it cost prohibitive. I truly believe in trying to create this atmosphere,” says Chris. “That’s the first thing. The second thing, to be honest, is that it’s complicated to book a block of hotel rooms. I’m not a travel agent, so it’s better if people book their own hotels and travel.”
