Some of us transition straight from travelling with family to travelling with a partner or posse. Making holiday plans with the people you love and/or get along with can be fun and reassuring—you’ll always have company. Duties and bills can be split. Friends or partners might have informed opinions on what to see and do. It’s reassuring to be around familiar faces when perhaps everything else around us is disorientingly unfamiliar.
We’ve come up with at least seven reasons why gay and bi men should book at least one solo trip. Your friends and partner might think you’ll be a lonely mess, but you’ll come back knowing yourself much better—and with a few stories to tell from your gay solo trip.
Be the main character in your adventure
Among your friend groups, you may be the boyfriend, the sidekick, the plus-one, the princess, the bitch, the mother hen or the troublemaker. When you travel solo, meeting people and experiencing situations for the first time, you can be anyone you want to be, and you can play the part however you want. Set aside your usual fretting, wisecracking, overthinking or people-pleasing and be the lead in your own film. Nobody you know is around to tell you that you’re acting weird.
Take a break from compromising
With any couple or in any friend group, there’s at least one person who has a lot of ideas about what everyone should do and how things should be done. Should the others submit, resist, counter-propose? Jam everyone’s wish list into the itinerary? Throw up their hands and spend the day sitting around the hotel, waiting for someone to instigate something? Solo travellers don’t have to choose between the museum or a drag brunch. They can do both and choose to jump from one activity to another at the last possible moment, without having to produce a consensus.
Control how much you spend
Group trips can get expensive fast, especially when the higher-income earner of the group defaults to luxury hotels, pricey restaurants and endless Ubers—and everybody else goes along with it for fear of appearing cheap. Solo travel puts you in charge of the financial pacing. Want to splurge on a five-star spa day, then crash in a hostel the next night? You can stretch or shrink your budget as needed, without anyone tut-tutting.
Discover what you really enjoy
Sometimes we fall into habits, like going where our friends go, doing what our boyfriend wants to do or defaulting to the “must-dos” of a destination. We may spend so much time seeking out the biggest dance club in a particular city that we don’t discover that trashy dive bar that we would have loved…or the pleasure of sitting alone in a bookstore café. Travelling solo peels back the social noise and lets your personal taste take the wheel. Without a companion, you can take risks and try something new. You may love it—or learn that you hate it and quickly move on to another activity without feeling judged.
Sharpen your problem-solving skills
One of the great things about travelling with a partner or friends is the efficiency of divvying up tasks. But then we may not learn how to do what we’re not usually responsible for. There are adults unable to follow street signs to get to where they want to go, or who have never pulled together a few words in a foreign language to ask about the check-out time at a hotel. From navigating unfamiliar subways to figuring out how to ask where the closest pharmacy is, solo travel develops problem-solving skills. You’ll get better at trusting your instincts, asking for help, and bouncing back from awkward or difficult situations.
Realize that being alone can be a man magnet
Nothing is sexier than a man who’s comfortable in his own skin, fully present, not frantically texting a friend to fill the silence. Travelling solo makes you more approachable, especially in queer spaces. We miss many meet-cutes because we’re caught up in conversation with people we already know or are glued to our phone. Even if you’re not looking for a hookup, being solitary and present in the moment can open the door to striking up conversations with locals. If no conversations kick in, take pleasure in people-watching—bars, restaurants, parties and public spaces can be quite a show for those paying attention.
Enjoy sex without negotiation or second-guessing
If you’re single or in an open relationship, solo travel can be deliciously freeing. Hookups, flings and sweet little sparks of connection happen more easily without the logistics of group schedules or side-eyes from your travel buddy. Whether it’s a spontaneous sauna date or a sunrise cuddle at a beach town, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Unless you both make an effort to keep in touch (that’s a win!), there’s a hard ending to an overseas encounter, which can be considered romantic or practical, depending on your point of view.
