Even with apps running our social lives and algorithms telling us who we’re “compatible” with, there’s something about reading a glance in real time, catching someone’s attention across a room or stepping into a space where the rules are unspoken but instantly understood.
Flirting and cruising is a way of saying, “I see you and I like what I see” that goes mostly under the radar of straights. It’s fun whether it turns into a chat, a hookup, a date or results in nothing at all but an exciting shared moment with a stranger.
Every major city has its own unique style of gay flirting and cruising. Although there are common tactics—the meaning of a friendly, lingering look straight in the eyes is pretty much universal—each city has its own subculture and ever-evolving cruising style and language. Some are more forward, some are more discreet. All might be the ticket to something thrilling.
Confused about whether that glance or gesture is accidental or a come-on? Here’s our field guide to the flirting/cruising styles of eight very gay cities.
“The Direct Lock-On”
Berlin, Germany
The tactic: A long, steady, unapologetic stare followed by approaching only if the other person holds eye contact. In Germany, it’s often conducted without a smile.
The culture origin: German social communication norms value directness and clarity; flirting tends to be straightforward and non-performative. Gay nightlife venues like Berghain (Am Wriezener bhf, Berlin), SchwuZ (Rollbergstraße 26, Berlin) and KitKatClub (Köpenicker Straße 76, Brückenstraße 1, Berlin) are known for “eye contact cruising.”
The complaint: Berlin queer spaces are known for their “no small talk” attitude, but some guys don’t like to be “eye fucked.”
“The Playful Tease”
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
The tactic: A warm, often physical, playful approach—smiling, joking, light compliments, body language that’s expressive and rhythmic.
The cultural origin: Brazilian communication norms emphasize warmth, humour, good feeling. Studies on Brazilian flirting behaviours show high use of touch, teasing and “positive affect.” In Rio, where people spend a lot of time in their bathing suits, body confidence and extroversion are highly rewarded. Sunbathers hanging around Posto 9 in Ipanema or having a drink along Farme de Amoedo will mix compliments with light teasing.
The complaints: Everybody seems so hot and friendly and eager to do something more, but many times it doesn’t lead anywhere and the plan never materializes. Someone proudly showing off their body doesn’t automatically mean they’re available or interested.
“The Polite, Indirect Signal”
Tokyo, Japan
The tactic: Subtle glances, shy smiles, quietly buying someone a drink or using a third party (or an app) to express interest before speaking directly.
The cultural origin: Japanese communication is considered to be indirect and high context (what’s meant depends on tone, timing, status differences, setting and shared assumptions), especially in romantic situations. There’s been some research suggesting that in Shinjuku Ni-chōme, Tokyo’s gaybourhood, men often rely on body position, proximity and very subtle signals rather than bold approaches.
The complaint: Bar culture in Japan emphasizes politeness and not intruding. It’s easy to spend an evening feeling alone and ignored when that is not the case.
“The Fast, Forward Opener”
New York City, New York
The tactic: Quick, confident verbal openers (“Hey, I like your jacket. What are you drinking?”), often within seconds of interest.
The cultural origin: New York City social culture is known for speed, assertiveness and verbal confidence. People aren’t shy about stating their goodwill or their intentions. Cashiers will ask how your day is going—and also for your number. Americans in general have fewer inhibitions than other cultures about asking questions and paying compliments to strangers. Patrons at gay bars like VERS (714 9th Ave., New York City) and Atlas Social Club (753 9th Ave., New York City) in Hell’s Kitchen are famous for their “walk up and say something” energy.
The complaint: New Yorkers will also be very blunt in telling you what they don’t like about you and why they’re not interested.
“The Slow-Burn Gaze and Conversation”
Paris, France
The tactic: A lingering, almost cinematic gaze from across the room, followed by a gradual drift into proximity and conversation that feels intellectual or poetic.
The cultural origin: Oh, you know the French! They prioritize subtlety, seduction and conversational sophistication. Why waste time making small talk when you can bare your opinions about the state of theatre and cinema. Parisian queer spaces in Le Marais, at bars like Le Raidd (23 Rue du Temple, Paris) and Le Duplex (2 bis Av. Foch, Paris) are known for slower, moodier social pacing.
The complaint: “You’re very pretty and I like seeing your mouth move, but I don’t know anything about anything you’re talking about.”
“The Friendly Funny Warm-Up”
Mexico City, Mexico
The tactic: Warm, humorous conversation; gentle teasing; offering help (“Quieres algo de tomar?”); using jokes and friendliness as a soft entry point.
The cultural origin: Mexican social interaction emphasizes warmth, humour and friendliness. Someone interested in you might treat you like a dear friend or special guest when they’re thinking of trying to get into your pants. This goes for party-hardy bars in the gaybourhood Zona Rosa like Cabaretito–Punto y aparte (C. Amberes 61, Juárez, Cuauhtémoc, Juárez, Mexico City) and cruisier ones like TOM’S Leather Bar (Av. Insurgentes Sur 357, Hipódromo, Cuauhtémoc, Mexico City).
The complaint: How many rounds do we have to buy each other, and how many of your friends do I have to meet, before we kiss?
“The Dry-Humour Test”
London, UK
The tactic: The Brits love to use witty banter, sarcastic remarks and teasing used as both a filter and a shield. If the subject of their desire can keep up and volley some witticisms back, then the interest escalates.
The cultural origin: British flirting is famously rooted in humour, irony and understatement. Self-depreciation signals that no matter what clothes someone is wearing or how much they work out, they don’t take themselves too seriously. This is especially true in the bar/pub scene around Soho, like at The Yard Bird (57 Rupert St., London) and Comptons (51-53 Old Compton St., London). You’ll quickly learn how clever your potential lover is, but it may take a while for them to reveal personal information like what they do for a living.
The complaint: “Are you complimenting or insulting me? Do you like me or do you hate me?”
“The Courteous Charm”
Bangkok, Thailand
The tactic: Respectful, charming, slightly formal compliments and attentive listening, often paired with polite body language.
The cultural origin: Thai culture is centred on kreng jai—respect, consideration and non-confrontation. Because Thailand has never been colonized, yet it has a massive tourism industry, visitors are often treated like esteemed guests—lust can get lost in the feelings of being the subject of spectacular hospitality. Gay nightlife in Silom Soi 2 & Soi 4 emphasizes friendliness and gentleness. Even the go-go dancers willing to sell a private dance will wait for a guest to make the first move.
The complaint: Visitors can feel that they’re the ones who have to express their desire out loud, to break through the flattery to see if the interest is carnal.
