For some gay and bi travellers, the best vacation starts with the right grid.
Dating apps shape the way many queer men experience the world. The pictures, stats and descriptions we see on the apps define how we see the place we’re visiting. We often talk about being a good fit with other guys, but we rarely talk about matching with cities. The truth is: different destinations reward different app styles. Some cities give you hundreds of profiles within 100 metres. Others reward long conversations.
Here’s the Wander+Lust take on how to choose the right trip based on your preferred style of digital flirting and cruising.
1. If you love high-density grids
Best destinations: Mexico City, Barcelona, São Paulo, New York City and London
Some cities are so dense—physically, socially and queer-demographically—that your preferred dating app is a candy store full of possibilities. These are places where walking a single block refreshes all the faces and assorted body parts a user might see. Mexico City, for example, has one of the highest LGBTQ+ population densities in the Americas, and much of our community is concentrated in neighbourhoods like Juárez and Roma. Spain is documented as having one of Europe’s highest proportions of LGBTQ+ adults, Barcelona in particular, while São Paulo is the largest city in the Western Hemisphere and hosts the world’s largest Pride parade—dating apps there are exceptionally busy. Of course, in the U.S., NYC remains the most densely populated LGBTQ+ community; same goes for London in the U.K.
2. If you prefer real conversations over ‘Sup?’
Best destinations: Paris, Buenos Aires, Melbourne, Copenhagen and Montreal
Residents of some countries invest heavily in verbal flirtation—long messages, jokes, compliments, back-and-forth banter. Those who enjoy chatting before meeting will find their flirtatiousness rewarded in these cities. The French approach to communication favours articulation and seduction, while Argentine and Quebecois cultures are known for expressive, emotional and verbose communication. Melbourne’s queer community is often described as socially engaged and conversation-driven—guys like to show off their wit. Copenhagen ranks high in Nordic communication clarity but also friendliness, which is to say that they’re very polite and will follow your lead.
That said, speaking the local language—whether it be French, Spanish, Danish or English—will come in very handy during those long chats.
3. If you want to meet quickly
Best destinations: Berlin, Amsterdam, Madrid
Berlin and Amsterdam are cities where the culture leans toward efficiency and immediacy—on apps and out in the bars and clubs. For those who like to pick a profile, exchange two messages and meet within the hour, these are the places where you’ll experience the least frustration. German and Dutch communication styles are considered direct and what sociologists call “low-context” (time, place, social status and other factors don’t change what someone is willing to say to get what they want). Berlin and Amsterdam both carry this into gay dating: clear intent, fast decisions. They’ll also reject you quickly; your ego might get bruised, but you’ll save time.
On the other hand, Madrilenos may not be so blunt, but their extroversion, spontaneity and openness allows them to make a quick decision to meet someone new—and the city is compact enough that they can be on your doorstep in just a few minutes.
4. If you want variety—bears, twinks, femmes, masc, alt, everything
Best destinations: Toronto, Madrid, Los Angeles, London and Lisbon
Most of these cities have large, diverse LGBTQ+ populations with immigrants from all around the world. The result is a colourful grid where users see every possible type. Even in cities with lower immigration levels, these gay communities have developed lots of subcultures where people with offbeat and artsy interests can find peers, build community and show off. Toronto, for example, is one of the world’s most multicultural metro areas, and its queer communities are spread across several neighbourhoods. Los Angeles not only has a large Latino population and dozens of queer micro-scenes (WeHo, Silver Lake, Highland Park) but also, because of Hollywood, attracts creative types who like to express themselves. These cities are perfect for those who enjoy exploring different types, especially guys they may not encounter back home. Homosexual is not always homogenous.
5. If you prefer a discreet, down-low and low-profile grid
Best destinations: Istanbul, Kuala Lumpur, Dubai, Seoul, Nairobi
Those who value anonymity or like slow-build interactions will appreciate these discreet destinations. For some, the discretion is because of cultural norms—gay life in these spots is not so bold and public-facing. For others, there might be serious risks in meeting up with other gay guys, whether because of high levels of homophobia in a respective culture, which can result in violence, or because of laws against homosexuality.
Istanbul and KL, for example, both have vibrant queer communities, but they tend to operate out of sight. In Seoul, locals may want to keep their gay identity separate from the other parts of their lives, so they are more restrained in how they present themselves online. Dubai and Nairobi’s scenes are underground by necessity, leading to heavily coded app interactions. Don’t expect anyone to give you their address after a few message exchanges.
6. If you love beautiful, curated profiles
Best destinations: Seoul, Tokyo, Milan, Rio, Paris
Locals in some cities treat dating apps like personal branding platforms. These profiles are editorial, curated and stylish. On many apps, it’s less about showing off body parts than choosing clothes, grooming styles and backdrops that reveal what kind of person they are. The influence of the fashion industries in Milan and Paris encourage locals to style themselves for the viewer. Residents of Seoul and Tokyo are also encouraged to lean into cultures of good grooming and a polished presentation. In Rio, it’s less about hair styles, more about beautiful bodies shot in stunning natural settings, the meeting of the city’s fitness culture, and the city’s location between beaches and mountains.
Yes, some gay apps will make a visitor to these places feel like they’re scrolling through Instagram. Still, there are racier apps out there for those who prefer to look at body parts.
7. If you prefer tourists over locals
Best destinations: Maspalomas, Mykonos, Fire Island, Puerto Vallarta, Brighton and Palm Springs
There are those who have a particular physical type. Then there are those who like their guys relaxed, adventurous and with lots of free time, regardless of their looks and background. Going to a destination where visitors outnumber locals ensures that they’ll be someone who is open to meeting up on a Wednesday at noon. In gay resort destinations, the apps essentially transform into community bulletin boards for parties, hookups, activity partners and plus-ones. This is especially true during events like Pride and Fetish Week in Maspalomas, or Bear Week in Puerto Vallarta, when everyone is there pretty much to have fun. Fire Island and Palm Springs grids spike dramatically on weekends. If you don’t mind profiles that declare “Here till Sunday,” this could be your ideal grid.
