We all know it—being a flight attendant is a very gay job. The combination of glamour, freedom and the need to be able to employ humour, style and shadiness to keeping passengers in line makes it a perfect career choice for gay men.
We talked to two U.S.-based gay flight attendants about what they love and hate about their jobs—and whether they mind gay passengers giving them a “Hey, girl” look and asking for extra pretzels.
On his entertaining TikTok channel, Charlotte-based Ethan Howery provides candid insights into crew life. LukasInTheSky, who is based in Denver, is equally cute and funny on TikTok.
How did you come to be a flight attendant?
Ethan: I was in my junior year of college here in Charlotte, and on Tinder I matched with a flight attendant. Long story short, that didn’t go anywhere, but we became friends, and I found myself hanging out with his other flight attendant friends. He told me that his airline was accepting applications. I was like, I don’t know if I want to do that. He took my phone and applied for me. I’ve been doing it now for a year and a half. He’s my roommate and best friend.
Another part of the whole process was me coming to terms with myself. I was living at home and had always wanted to travel, but my parents would never let me leave the country. I had three jobs in college, and I booked a trip and didn’t tell my parents about it. I went to the U.K., Portugal, Spain, and I told them just three days before I left. I caught the travel bug really hard. I have since been to around 12 countries by myself.
Lukas: I am originally from Germany. I applied to a really big German airline and flew for about two years before I moved to the States in 2017. I missed it so much that during COVID, I looked up which airlines were hiring. I saw one, applied, got hired, went through training and have been flying for the last four years.
What’s the best thing about it?
Ethan: You mainly think about the travel benefits, getting to travel all over the world and stuff. But what I’ve actually started to enjoy a lot more is just meeting people in a natural environment. I get to meet people during a stressful time, and I can alleviate some of that stress for them. I can make their experience better. I’ve made a lot of friends on flights—I was not expecting that. The flight attendant community across airlines and across the world is great. The community building is definitely an unexpected joy.
Lukas: Definitely my coworkers. The airline I worked for in Germany was great, but it was such a big airline that I never flew with the same people more than once. With my current airline, which is a little smaller, I usually know everybody I’m flying with. That kinda creates a family, a setting for good friends, which is really fun. On the other hand, I enjoy meeting new people, going to new places. Every day is different. Something is always going on, good or bad. And at the end of the day, I can go home and I don’t have to think about my workload or anything.
What’s the worst thing?
Ethan: When you start, it’s very common to get sick a lot, and you’re worn out frequently. The sick policy does not allow for much wiggle room, so you have to be very careful about attendance and timeliness. Starting out, you’re on call for the airline, and you have no control over your schedule. That part is awful. But since gaining seniority, I can now get the days off that I want. I now actually enjoy building the schedule I want.
Lukas: The worst thing is the different schedules. Depending on your seniority, of course, you can have the same schedule month to month, but I tend to have quite a schedule change every month. Sometimes I work night shifts, sometimes day, sometimes morning. That can be very challenging. We have long days—we do a lot more than people realize.
What do you do on layovers?
Ethan: If it’s a long layover, you get to experience the city. You have time to go get drinks, food, do all that stuff. Sometimes I just enjoy getting in a comfy bed, blacking out the curtains and sleeping as much as possible. But I’ve also made a lot of friends on layovers. I did a short one, just 14 hours, to Louisville, Kentucky, I went out and I met the girls and gays of Kentucky. I did a downtown Seattle layover last month. While there, I walked 14 miles and I went to a soccer game.
Lukas: If I have a long layover in a cool place, I will definitely make myself go out, do something, possibly with the crew. With my current airline, I have pretty much been to every place that we fly to, so I just go back to places that I really like. On a shorter layover, I usually tend to stay in, relax, get some sleep. I’m not a huge party person. That doesn’t mean I don’t like going out—I do, but I don’t like huge crowds, which is funny considering I’m a flight attendant.
What do you think of gay passengers who figure out that you’re gay and are, like, “Hey, girl”? Do you give them special attention?
Ethan: I love it, I really do. Gays travel a lot, You can tell the gay passengers. You can tell with the eyes. Even if I can’t tell from their voice, they’ll make a comment or use a word like, “queen,” and I’ll look at my friend and say, “slay.” I can always spot the cute little gay couple. We always kiki a little bit, which is fun.
Lukas: Just two weeks ago, there was this guy coming on with his sister, and we had had an aircraft swap, so they couldn’t sit in the exit row that they paid for. We told them they could get a refund for what they paid for the exit row and that we’d take good care of them—drinks and stuff. He was gorgeous and had really long nails. Deep voice. He was really nice about it and started with, “Oh, girl, thank you.” There are just moments when people are open and fun and clearly want to have a good time. That obviously helps us, too, because that’s what we want.
How about a gay passenger flirting with you?
Ethan: It’s okay if it’s done in good taste. I’m at work, so I wouldn’t ever. But it’s totally fine to give your number and be like, “Hey, after you land, text me.” I’ve never been into anyone who’s done that, but I think it’s okay to do so as long as you’re not being creepy. You’ll see straight men do it. I don’t want to be mean, but they’re looking at my friend who looks like Princess Diana and he’s not up to her standard—you’re going to get your feelings hurt. Use your best judgment.
Lukas: It doesn’t happen too often. I will look at someone, think they’re gay and maybe they’re very good looking, but I’m doing my job, so I wouldn’t. But if they’re flirting with me, I think that’s totally okay.
What’s a weird thing that’s happened on a flight?
Ethan: We were flying back from Phoenix on a red eye and I saw we had a few pets on board. A family was transporting three cats. As far as pets go, unless they’re service animals, they have to be kept in their carrier under the seat the entire flight. It’s to minimize the risk for people with allergies. I’m very allergic to cats. I noticed that the mom of that family brought all three cats and their carriers into the bathroom for 20 minutes. I had to say something eventually, because that’s not allowed. She had her daughter guarding the door. She said she was holding them over the toilet to try and get them to go to the bathroom. I sneezed the entire four-hour flight. It was awful. I know it’s not super heinous, but is that not crazy?
Lukas: One time a passenger carried their pet parrot on board in a little carrier. At some point during the flight, it escaped from the cage and started flying around the cabin. The crew had to work together to catch the parrot and return it to its owner. The situation was very chaotic but also very amusing, and everyone was laughing. Sometimes there are situations where people lose themselves and go a little crazy on the plane. On one of my flights, someone removed a life raft from the overhead bin and placed it on the seats so he could put his backpack up there. Those rafts are really heavy. You usually need two or three people to carry them, but he was this tall, buff guy. I was stunned because obviously that had never happened before. He made such a big deal about it when I told him to put it back. And it was a very small backpack.
What can a passenger do that will impress you and perhaps encourage you to take special care of them?
Ethan: Just follow instructions. We can’t bend federal regulations. I like it when people put up their tray table, put their seat up and fasten their seatbelt before I ask them.
Lukas: If they come on and say, “Good morning” or “Good evening,” then I’ll be like, “Okay, it’s going to be a great flight.” As soon as some passengers get inside an airport, they just lose their minds. They forget everything, which I get. Travel is exhausting. But if people could just come on board, sit down, listen to the instructions and not be mean, that’s all a flight attendant could ask for.
Where do straight male flight attendants fit into the culture?
Ethan: There’s a big bias against straight male flight attendants. Sometimes the stereotype that they’re there to get with pretty women is true. But a lot of the straight men, especially older straight men, are very friendly and get along very well with the gays. A lot of straight male flight attendants are in flight school actually, to become pilots. It’s a good pipeline to get started.
Lukas: I would say they are very open, at least the ones I’ve worked with. There might have been one or two who had to prove the point that they are not gay from the very first moment that we met each other, which is weird because I honestly don’t care if you’re straight, bi, trans, whatever.
Is there a route that you think has the bitchiest passengers?
Lukas: LAX is a very bitchy route. It doesn’t even matter where they’re coming from. Texas, other than Austin, is a whole different world. It can get very rowdy.
Both interviews have been edited for length and clarity.
